higglety: (Default)
higglety ([personal profile] higglety) wrote2010-10-21 05:26 pm


Title: Impressions
Fandom: Supernatural
Spoilers: General plot spoilers thru 6:03
Character: Dean Winchester
Genre: Introspection
Rating: G
Word count: 807
Summary: "Guess you'll just have to keep that from happening. Keep your brother safe, Dean-o."

"Hey Dean-o, I got somebody here you oughta meet."

A bundle of blankets was lowered into his line of sight, and Dean gazed, wide-eyed, at the tiny, squirming life within. It was sort of weird-looking, all scrunched up and pink. Dean sucked the crooked knuckle of his index finger and turned his solemn gaze back up to his father.

"This is Sammy," his father told him. "He's your little brother."

Dean looked back at Sam, eyeing him critically for a few moments more.

"He's little." Dean finally said. "What if he gets squished?" Sammy was even smaller than the neighbors' cat. It was a pressing concern.

His dad chuckled. "Guess you'll just have to keep that from happening. Keep your brother safe, right Dean-o?" Dan's tiny face took on a resolute cast, and he nodded. "Right." He agreed, firmly.

That was Dean's first impression of Sammy: a tiny, pink squirming thing that needed to be saved. Try as he might, he never did shake that first impression. One moment he was five, clutching a wailing Sammy to his chest while the fire that ate their mother burned hot against his back; the next breath, he's twelve and pounding in the face of some twerp who'd made Sammy cry.

Even when he'd grown to monstrous, gigantic, Sasquatch proportions and started to resent Dean's urge to protect protect he's so little protect, Dean couldn't stop himself from seeing his brother as that tiny, pink squirming thing and thinking that really, he was still pretty squishable.

Except, it turned out that Dean was the squishable one, at least when Lucifer was in the driver's seat. And wasn't that just a kick in the pants, knowing his geeky little brother'd had that right hook tucked away this whole time. What hurt most (more than Sammy's giant fists or his boots or Cas or Bobby, even) was looking into his brother's eyes and knowing he'd failed.

Stop it, he wanted to shout, wanted to rip that bastard right out of his brother's head, you're squishing him - but then another blow would land, and he'd see his brother's eyes break a little bit more.

It was a relief, sort of, when it was over. In the way how, at least it was done, and there was Cas again, and god, Bobby. But at the same time, it was worse.

All his life, Dean's had one job - sure, it'd eventually grown into save the world kill the devil save Sammy Bobby Cas everyone say no say no say no no no but at the heart of it all was guess you'd better keep that from happening. Keep your brother safe, Dean-o. One job. And it was over. Pass or fail, the point was, it was over. He was done.

And then Sam came back.

He came back, and he came back different, was the thing. Once upon a time, Ol' Yellow-Eyes had taunted Dean with the notion that his brother wasn't his brother anymore - that Sammy'd come back from Hell different than when he went in. In the end, Dean had ignored him, because when he looked at Sammy, he still saw that squirming pink thing he had to protect, so whatever else he was, Sammy was still his brother.

When he looks at Sam now, he doesn't see that squirming pink thing anymore.

He still remembers Sammy that way, but what he sees when he looks at Sam now is a tall, strong, hard man. He's solid now, cold in a way that Dean can't quite understand. What he sees now is probably more accurate - Sam hasn't actually been that squirming pink thing for a long, long time (Since Jess at least, maybe since Stanford. Maybe earlier than that) - but Dean can't shake the feeling that the man who was returned to him - - he can't help but think, that man isn't Sammy anymore.

Author's Notes:
This might be crap; I'm not sure. I just can't shake the feeling that Sam is wrong somehow, this season. He's stronger, more... adult seeming, certainly, and more independent, but he's also harder in a lot of ways. There's some sort of disconnect , where he doesn't seem to feel things the way he used to, or at least he doesn't act like it. I don't know, something just doesn't jibe. I think Dean sees it, too.
tptigger: (Default)

[personal profile] tptigger 2010-10-22 12:09 pm (UTC)(link)
You're not wrong. I'm of the opinion that Jared Padalecki is playing someone else entirely this season and they haven't told us yet. (Though I think Dean suspects.)